3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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