I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
