The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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