Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
