i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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