dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
