I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
