sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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