capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so let's talk penis.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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