What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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