It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
