I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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