I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
