when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
