haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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