Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
