I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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