In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
