I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
