gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
