Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
