soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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