i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
