The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize