I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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