Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
