Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think people are normalizing furries
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize