i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
