Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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