You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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