I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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