I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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