I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
