he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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