): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize