I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
