when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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