I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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