Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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