There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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