at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
