Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
