I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
