Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
