i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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