why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
