i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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