your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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