Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
