i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
