so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How does it feel to date your dad?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
