My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
