dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
