I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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