FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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