i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
