Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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