she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Green mimosas i think yes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
