Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize