I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
3 2 1 whiskey
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
