Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
