I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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