walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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