Can i not drive my cunt home
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
