i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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