you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
