i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
