at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
