I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
