Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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