I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
