She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
