I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
