Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
PANTIES FOUND
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
